Have ever been in a relationship where your partner consistently complains about you and/or about the things that you do? Or, did they maybe just make subtle comments but you knew they really meant it? These careless acts play on your insecurities and you may have found that you were changing the things about yourself that they were complaining about or commenting on in an effort to avoid the criticism and/or comments. They might have also threatened to end your relationship if you didn't change.

You may have convinced yourself because you love the person it is a valid and good enough reason to want to change for them. The bottom line is that it is fear on some level that causes you to change for someone else and not love. Changes, no matter how big or small, are not appropriate if they are for someone else. Any time you change anything about yourself to please another, it will have negative consequences. The moment you change one thing, you may be asked to change another and another and another until there comes a point when nothing you do or say is good enough. You will find that a relationship where you are required to change in an effort to make it work will not survive long term.

Whatever you do from here on out, don't change for anyone else but yourself! If you do, it will backfire at some point because you are, essentially, squashing the spirit of your true self. Eventually, those aspects of yourself that you thought you had changed will be doing whatever it takes to express themselves. The essence of your true nature cannot and will not be held down for long.

More than likely, these changes that you initially made from "love" will manifest as anger and resentment towards your partner for whom you did the changing for in the first place. If they don't like who you are, that is not your problem, it is theirs. Remind yourself that you choose who you want to be with and vice versa. And gently remind them that if those things bother them so much, maybe you both should consider the possibility that the relationship won't work out because you respect yourself. And that means that you won't change to fit someone else's idea of what the perfect partner should be like. You are who you are and if they don't like it, they don't have to be with you. If they don't love and accept you just as you are, don't be afraid to tell 'em to take a hike.

Above all else, be true to yourself body, mind and soul. You will find that honoring and respecting yourself in that way will more quickly result in attracting and experiencing a healthy, loving and fulfilling relationship like you never even dreamed possible.

Warmest Regards,

Lisa Stuart

About The Author


Lisa Stuart is dedicated to showing you how to attract the love of your life. Discover the secrets to attracting and experiencing a relationship with the love of your life! Sign up for Lisa's Attracting Love Newsletter ($100 Value) just by visiting her website at www.HowToAttractLove.com.

Copyright © 2006 The Love Attraction Expert

lisa@howtoattractlove.com

THERE ARE indications that the Member of Parliament (MP) for Bole/Bamboi, Hon. John Dramani Mahama, would soon break the silence on his political future.Ghana: John Mahama for President? (AllAfrica.com)

The death of Enron Corp. founder Kenneth Lay raises questions about the impact of his recent trial and conviction on his health, but the link between stress and heart disease is not clear-cut, experts said.Effects of stress on heart disease still unclear (Reuters via Yahoo! News)

The Party in Power waited for applications from members like Generals IBB and Marwa, and Vice President Atiku but none was forthcoming, no doubt a deep-cutting disappointment.Nigeria: Of Elephants, Grass And the PDP (AllAfrica.com)

Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman.

After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, intelligent, and also on a personal and spiritual growth path, Sean, 55, was an available man! Now Katie's fears that she would not meet someone turned to fears of being in a relationship again.

Katie had learned how to take loving care of herself when she was alone or with friends, but doing this with a man was another matter. She had never actually taken care of herself in any of her relationships, and she was very worried that she would let herself down again.

Katie wanted some guidelines regarding loving actions she could take for herself as she started to explore the relationship with Sean, and she wrote to me asking me for these loving actions. So here they are some loving actions to take when first exploring a new relationship:

1. Stay focused inside your own body, noticing your own feelings rather than just being tuned into the other person's feelings. Stay conscious of NOT taking responsibility for the others person's feelings of worth or security, and NOT making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth or security.

2. Make a solid decision before getting together with the other person that you are willing to lose the other person rather than lose yourself. Make a conscious decision to NOT make the other person's wants, needs and feelings more important than your own.

3. Stay clear on your own truth, NOT letting the other person talk you in or out of what feels good and right for you.

4. Be willing to take full, 100% responsibility for behaving in a way that makes you feel worthy, safe and powerful. Be willing to be who you really are rather than trying to impress. Make a conscious decision that being in integrity with who you really are, is more important than getting the other person's approval.

5. Do NOT disregard the big or small things that you find difficult, intolerable or unacceptable. If something is unacceptable or intolerable to you early in the relationship, the chances are that it is not going to get better. Do NOT convince yourself that, because there are so many good things about this person, you can overlook the problems or get the other person to change. This NEVER works!

Fears of rejection can emerge very early in a relationship. Some people are terrified of doing something wrong and being rejected, because they make they other person responsible for their feelings of worth and lovability. The fear of rejection can lead a person to give him/herself up to the other person, thereby touching off fears of engulfment of loving oneself and being controlled or consumed by the other person. Thus, fears of loss " loss of self or loss of other " often surface quickly and people find themselves either giving in or pulling away in their efforts to protect themselves from their fears.

If you allow fear to guide you, you will likely either pull away or end up in an unsatisfying relationship. The most important thing to remember as you move into exploring a new relationship is: LET LOVE BE YOUR GUIDE, NOT FEAR. This means that you need to be open to learning about what is most loving to YOU " what is really in your highest good " rather than trying to have control over not being rejected or controlled by the other person. So, number six is:

6. Keep asking your inner wisdom, "What is the loving action toward myself right now? What is in my highest good right now?"

If you keep asking this vital question, you will find your way through exploring a new relationship without losing yourself and without getting hurt by the other person.

About The Author


Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something male who is madly in love with my girlfriend. That being said, I do have one concern. She dated a friend of mine for a short while prior to dating me. Their relationship was physically intimate, something I have reserved for only our relationship.GIRLFRIEND'S PAST INDISCRETION GNAWS AT MAN IN HERE AND NOW (Dear Abby via Yahoo! News)

DEAR ABBY: I am a twentysomething male who is madly in love with my girlfriend. That being said, I do have one concern. She dated a friend of mine for a short while prior to dating me. Their relationship was physically intimate, something I have reserved for only our relationship.DEAR ABBY: Past puts crimp in new relationship (Contra Costa Times)

US $0.99 (0 Bid) End Date: Thursday Jul-13-2006 17:29:36 PDTBid now Add to watch listAre You Normal About Sex, Love, and Relationships?

Relationships, love and in particular jealousy and present each of us with a unique opportunity to better understand ourselves. Jealousy is most often the result of attachment and expectations, beliefs, projections, delusions, envy, guilt and low of self-esteem.

What do you do when you're jealous? You may try to find out if your lover has been with someone else. If he or she has, you might go into a rage. It is a fairly common and immediate response. You are angry. You feel violated. You want revenge. You want to stop what is happening, control the situation, and manipulate whatever you can to protect yourself.

If you can cool down, if you can control this internal, knee jerk reaction, you just might discover that you have an alternative. Often, what feels like jealousy really is a lack of communication. When we leave our needs unspoken, they can lie in wait like a crouching tiger until someone, something or some event exposes them. It is essential to communicate very clearly and explicitly with your partner about your needs and expectations.

It is important to understand the distinct difference between loving and being attached. It is an important distinction because so frequently what we call love is really attachment.

Loving someone means loving the uniqueness of that person. Attachment is quite different. You can love your partner and want to see them thrive, enjoy, and grow. You want to see them become more of who they are. That's the truth of love. On the other hand, you may want your partner conform to a preconceived idea of what you think they should be or perhaps to what is convenient or comfortable for you. That is Attachment. This is a distinction that needs to be understood before you can understand your relationship or what needs to be done.

If your relationship is based on Attachment, you will quickly discover and experience the pain of jealousy. Our life, our surroundings and the people around us mirror what is going on inside us. If you are angry, you will find yourself living in an angry world. You will see the anger in all the people around you and you will feel it. Perhaps in your situation it isn't anger, but instead it is depression or fear or jealously. What you focus on is what you get. Wouldn't it be far more enjoyable to feel and focus on joy, happiness, fulfillment and love?

Mirrors are a good thing because they give us an opportunity to observe what is going on in ourselves and take care of it. Whatever illusions you may have as to who is to blame or who is at fault, the jealousy is within you, a mirror of what is going on inside you.

Attempting to manipulate and control your lover is a poor solution. Manipulation of your partner is an external attempt to fix an internal problem. Looking inward, you can use the situation that caused the jealousy to bubble up into your consciousness as an opportunity to clarify communication between the two of you, to better understand yourself and your partner.

Jealousy is like an onion, layers of misunderstanding, misperceptions and misleading which can be overwhelming and so difficult that it makes you cry. When you attempt to blame and control your partner, you refuse to acknowledge that these layers are within you. If you work at peeling off the layers, you can reach the core of the problem, you can achieve the possibility of self-understanding and freedom from the hurt and pain.

The first layer is your subconscious ideas and feelings about how one is supposed to act in a relationship. What do you believe and where does this belief come from? Do you believe that your partner is your possession? Can one person actually be the possession of another? Should they be? If you believe that you must possess the other person, then you are not in a loving relationship. Whatever control you think you exert over your partner, you cannot really touch the inner uniqueness that comprises a human being. You may occasionally control your partner, but you cannot make a person love you.

As you continue to go deeper inside you reveal even more layers of this "onion" including projection, envy and guilt. By peeling away these layers, you can reach awareness. Projection, envy, and guilt are nothing more than pointers to the truth behind your feelings. Becoming aware of what you are actually feeling and discovering the source behind it can give you the power to alleviate the pain. If you can reveal the true feelings, separate them from the perceived jealously, it is possible to relieve the pain.

If you would like to read this article in its entirety, visit www.newhynotherapy.com and remember, you do not need to experience jealously. You do not need to control another and you do not need to be afraid. You can choose to move away from those feelings. You can experience love itself deeper and deeper within its own fullness.

Linda Simmon, C.Ht.

Notice: All contents of this article are © Copyright 2003, NewBeginnings.

This article may be reprinted, reposted or republished in any format or forum, without prior consent, provided it is given away for free, all links and notices are kept intact, and that proper credit is given for authorship. In the event you are reading this article from a third-party website, you may subscribe to our newsletter for free at: http://www.newhypnotherapy.com/ .

About The Author


Linda Simmon is a Certified Hypnotherapist; member of the American Hypnosis Association, American Counseling Association, Hypnotherapists Union, AFL CIO, and a Blue Cross Alternative Medicine Practitioner. http://www.newhypnotherapy.com/contact.html

articles@newhypnotherapy.com

The front page of The Sun highlights the diversity of the victims. A year after the London bombings, moderate Muslim and non-Muslim Britons are determined to deal with home grown radicalism. But, James Button reports, the danger has not passed.Terrorism's legacy (The Age)

The art of kumara (Stuff)The kumara a mere root vegetable? Not on your life, says artist Hamish Palmer who has fashioned the humble vege into innumerable fascinating shapes.

In Japan, a city with designs on being different (International Herald Tribune)Travelers in Japan often complain that every big city resembles Tokyo, with its ills: congestion, pollution, high prices and a general lack of private space. But Fukuoka, in southern Japan, has tried to think differently.

When it comes to fighting and disagreeing with men, women frequently make a critical mistake which ends up causing them to feel hurt and lonely. Here is the scenario that typically happens. During a routine conversation there is a disagreement between the woman and her husband/boyfriend. It starts out in a logical manner with two competent speaking adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement. Then at some point in the discussion that woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner. All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed and the man feels he has been betrayed.

While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem. No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish. In the business world, accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good. This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if her idea is so good then she should be able to prove it. "She wants to prove her point so I'll prove mine. May the best man win," is how he thinks and has no idea that she only wants to be heard/understood. When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical which causes them to react in anger. Men say to themselves, "She ask me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!" He has been blind sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain. The man feels tricked by acting strong only to pull the feelings card out when she was starting to loose the argument so now he feels entitled to punish her. That really is how most men think in that scenario.

If you are a woman, a practical rule when discussing a topic is that if you want to debate, prove or compete with your boyfriend/husband then stay in that role throughout the discussion. If you want to be understood or nurtured, then relate to him by sharing how you feel about the subject. Don't switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss things with you in the future. He'll be afraid of you dropping the feelings bomb. Most of the time I would suggest that you start off softly by speaking to him about how you feel concerning the issue so he can recognize your feelings which will signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive. On the occasions you do need to prove your point, hold your ground regardless of how you feel. Remember it doesn't matter as much which way you relate to him, the most important thing you can do is not to combine the two.

Copyright by Bob Grant, L.P.C. 2005 All rights reserved. No part of this article may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission. Permission is given to article city users for reprint rights.

About The Author


Bob Grant is a licensed counselor who spealizes in working with women to improve and/or create the relationship of their dreams. You can find out all about how to Captivate a Man, make him fall in love with you--and give you the world, by visiting http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com.

relationshiphq@aol.com

Doherty says he'll always love Moss (USA Today)British rocker Pete Doherty said he will always love model Kate Moss, but acknowledged their relationship was "up and down" in comments released Wednesday. "It's right and wrong, up and down," said Doherty, 27, when asked by a British Broadcasting Corp. interviewer about the status of the relationship.

Pete Doherty says he'll always love Kate Moss but admitted their relationship has 'ups and downs.'Pete Doherty Says He'll Always Love Kate Moss (Fox News)

Stressful relationships are often not a result of a couple not being simpatico. They are often due to the stress and strain caused by outside non-relationship factors. There are however, some basic relationship techniques you must work at. Yes, you work at a relationship just like you work at customer relations. You must actively work at having good relationships and NOT take them for granted.

I will therefore break this discussion into these two areas,

1) Outside factors creating stress in relationships and
2) Internal Relationship techniques.

Although number one is often the biggest factor, many people need to work on both simultaneously, particularly if the relationship has been strained significantly.

Many relationships are severely strained by outside factors or what I call influencers. No matter how hard you work at improving your relationship with someone, this kind stress between you will eventually creep back in. This is why you must first address the root cause of the strain. It can be:

a. your job, (or lack thereof)
b. an aging or difficult parent
c. diminishing libido
d. finances
e. conflicts with children
f. illness
g. inattention

The list is almost endless. So what can you do?

1. First, you must get together and discuss the problem so as to agree on the fact that an outside factor is the root cause. This is a lot easier than playing the blame game. This is best done in a quiet setting without the usual interruptions - no kids, TV, phone, etc.

2. Next, agree on a game plan for solving the problem. Create a detailed (written) plan involving both of you. Your plan should be realistic, have short-term goals, tasks for each goal and who will be responsible.

3. Then go out and work your plan and make it happen. You might even have to involve the whole family. Work as a team. Think about it, there are countless examples of teams (sports, business and military) where some individuals don't get along but when they passionately work toward a common goal, it changes everything.

4. Secondly and simultaneously, you need to work at having a good relationship. It may not be WHAT you say, as much as HOW you say it. Here are a few keys to use.

* Communicate with the other person. Screaming at them is not constructive communication. Discuss things that bother you in a positive way. Say, "It would be wonderful if you did X rather than Y", as opposed to 'I hate the way you do X." Before you make a comment or "recommendation", think about issues your loved ones may have in fulfilling your request. Use the word "we" a lot. If your significant other needs to shed some pounds, the chances are you both do. You can say, "What would you think if we changed our daily eating habits so we can feel and look more like we did when we were younger?"

* Think before you open your mouth. It's a bit difficult to suck those stupid words back in, kind of like throwing up on someone. It's hard to undo it.

* Spend more time together doing things you each like to do. It may be necessary to eliminate some things that your spending too much time doing. Your kids may not really need to do soccer, karate, scouts, sports, piano AND tennis. Explain to them that you need more time with the other parent so you fight less and you all have more fun together. Maybe your volunteer obligations are getting too onerous. Think it over.

* Never blurt out a hard criticism. Think about what to say and just as importantly, when to say it. Timing can be everything. Statements like "You look like _____ in that outfit," will get you nowhere. But, "You know that dress or suit doesn't show off your best asset," could be lots of fun and positive reinforcement of a desired behavior.

In summary, remember two keys to significantly less stress in your relationships.

First find and address the root cause of problems and difficulties together.

Then, Work at Your Relationship! I've known people who wanted to have relationships, but were so focused on their career that they were unwilling to take time to find and maintain relationships. What happens to them if they lose their jobs? Your identity should be more than your professional title. Your life should be about fulfillment in all areas.

We need relationships, with their give and take, to sustain us through life.

Go for it and have fun.

About The Author


Learn Georgette Pauls' secrets on how she and her husband have had a happy, successful relationship for over 25 years at www.the-relationship-site.com

Newcomer leaps into tall role as steely hero (The Plain Dealer)He flies, he pines, he saves. "Superman Returns," the first Man of Steel movie in nearly 20 years, doesn't fit the usual superhero movie mold. It's a lush and romantic exploration of the Lois and Clark relationship.

Hours before he would have faced a termination hearing, Jarold Winkleblech, the band director at East Allegheny High School charged with having an inappropriate relationship with a 15-year-old student, submitted his resignation.East Allegheny band director resigns (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Here are selected minireviews of films in theaters, listed alphabetically. Ratings range from zero to four stars. UN-ROMANTIC COMEDY** 1/2PG-13 No one will accuse wisecracking Vince Vaughn of being afraid of Virginia Woolf.Past reviews listing, 6/30 (Denver Post)

In my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking "the wrong people."

Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same time. This didn't feel right to her, so she knew that she had to make a choice. Yet she could not seem to decide which relationship was right for her.

Susan had been in a relationship with Shawn for two years. Shawn, 43, was a delightful man, fun loving and sweet. However, Shawn would emotionally disappear for long periods of time, and he was clear that he did not want children which was very important to Susan. In addition, Shawn was always living on the edge financially.

Then Susan met Calvin, who was totally different than Shawn. Calvin stayed emotionally present, had a job he loved and made very good money, and wanted to have children. Susan was very attracted to Calvin and in her heart she knew that he was a much better choice for her than Shawn. Yet she could not seem to let go of Shawn.

As we explored the situation, it became apparent that Susan couldn't let go of Shawn because she was terrified of commitment. With Shawn there was no chance of being in a committed relationship he was not really available. Yet Susan felt "safe" with Shawn. Safe from what?

Susan discovered that she was terrified of really being in love, which was a possibility with Calvin but not with Shawn. In her mind, being in love meant losing her freedom. When she thought of being with Calvin, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Her concept of a loving relationship was that, "You are together all the time. I couldn't just go and be with my friends or take a vacation with a friend. Commitment means giving up freedom."

No wonder she felt safe with Shawn! As long as Susan felt she had to give herself up to be in a loving relationship, she would not be able to make a commitment.

Douglas, 34, another client of mine, has the exact same problem. When he is in a relationship, he is a very "nice guy." He tends to try to please his partner because, in his mind, taking care of himself and doing the things he wants to do is selfish. Yet, in giving himself up to his partner, he ends up resenting her and ending the relationship. Like Susan, he is operating under the false belief that he has to give up his personal freedom to be in a loving relationship.

Both Susan and Douglas have a major false belief that is causing their fear of commitment: that loving another person means doing what that person wants instead of staying true to themselves and taking loving care of themselves. They both have a false definition of selfish. They think they are being selfish if they take care of themselves instead of care-take their partners. I offered them this definition of selfish:

Selfish is when you expect someone else to give themselves up for you to not do what they want to do and instead do what you want them to do. Selfish is when you do not support others in taking loving care of themselves and instead expect them to take care of you.

Giving yourself up is a form of control. You want to control how the other person feels about you by doing what they want you to do. When you do what another person wants you to do from love and caring, with no agenda to get their approval, you feel wonderful. But when you give yourself up from fear of your partner's anger or withdrawal, you will feel trapped and resentful. To be in a committed relationship, your first commitment needs to be to yourself to your truth, integrity and freedom.

Learning to take loving care of yourself is the key to healing a fear of commitment. When you are taking loving care of yourself, you will be filled with love and you will have much love to share with your partner!

About The Author


Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner bonding now! Visit her website for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

margaret@innerbonding.com

All partnerships, and all relationships for that matter, go through five predictable stages. Knowing these stages is like having a map that will help you to accurately assess where you are and where you can go.

All partnerships, and all relationships for that matter, go through five predictable stage. Knowing these stages is like having a map that will help you to accurately assess where you are in your partnerships, see where you have been and where you can go. This will also allow you to deal effectively with the particular concerns of the stage you are in. For example, upsets, disagreements, miscommunications and misunderstandings are a predictable, inevitable and unavoidable part of the second stage. If you don't know that, you could easily misinterpret what is going on in the relationship, make inappropriate choices and miss important learning and growth opportunities. Each stage requires a different, yet overlapping set of skills. Mastering partnership is about mastering these skills.

STAGE ONE - ATTRACTION

This stage of relationships is characterized by a fascination with another person, organization or project and a desire to learn more about them, as well as a desire to share yourself. It's fun and it feels good. This is the time when positive possibilities are sensed and explored. This is the stage people wish would last forever.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR SUCCESS IN ATTRACTION:

1. Be interested, not merely interesting.

2. Look for and focus on the best in others.

3. Acknowledge/compliment others on the good you see in them and their accomplishments.

4. Help people to relax with you - put them at ease.

5. Know what the most important things are for people to know about you and weave those things into your conversations so you feel they "get" who you are.

6. To simply "be" with others without an agenda

7. Keep your word to build trust.

8. Be authentic.

9. Look good and smell good!

10. Speech acts to learn and master:

Greeting

Making requests

Declining requests

Making promises

Making apologies

High performance listening

AVOID:

1. Lying.

2. Jumping to conclusions.

3. Moving too quickly into a commitment conversation.

4. Expecting people to read your mind and anticipate your conditions for satisfaction.

5. Stereotyping or categorizing.

STAGE TWO - POWER STRUGGLE

This is the stage where people start testing each other. It is one of the most difficult stages for people. Who is going to get whose way and how? Distrust from your unresolved past manifests and there is often a fear of loss of control and heavy judgments of the other person start to show up. Many relationships never move beyond this stage and many end here. This stage is really about building trust.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:

1. Know and identify your feelings.

2. Speak congruently with your emotions.

3. Communicate without blame.

4. Self-reflection - observe your thoughts, feelings and behaviors without judgment.

5. Own/take responsibility for your mistakes without self-invalidation

6. Observe your automatic interpretations of others and events.

7. Be present to someone else's upset without defense.

8. Know and articulate your requirements for trust.

9. Be able to restore trust when broken.

10. Use current upsets to resolve the past.

11. Ask for help.

12. Forgive yourself and others.

13. Make correction without invalidation.

14. Don't control others or make their choices for them.

15. Don't sacrifice - be generous.

16. Practice spiritual attunement to find the highest path.

17. Take the initiative - be responsible for your own needs.

18. Turn your complaints into requests.

19. Be clear-headed and rational while feeling intense feelings or while in the presence of others intense feelings.

20. Control your temper.

AVOID:

1. Giving ultimatums.

2. Blaming others.

3. Gossiping or participating in gossip.

4. Being mean, attacking, hurtful or hypercritical.

5. Saying things you'll regret.

STAGE THREE - COOPERATION

This is the stage where you learn to trust one another and to resolve upsets to your mutual satisfaction and benefit. You learn to share power and appreciate each other's unique abilities and gifts. However, it is still self oriented "What can I get out of this relationship?" rather than "What can we create with this relationship?" Beware of false cooperation in which one person acquiesces to the other in order to "keep the peace". This is still Power Struggle, only in a more subtle form.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:

1. Know and articulate the essence of your desires.

2. Expand your capacity for compassion.

3. Read others emotions.

4. Assess trustworthiness in others and assume trust rather than suspicion.

5. Inspire high level of trust from others.

6. Care deeply about others.

7. Feel connected with others.

8. Generate enthusiasm.

9. Find and define a common path.

10. Know and articulate how others affect you, e.g., their losing/winning, problems/thriving.

11. Make choices for long-term gain - overcome the need for instant gratification.

12. Competency with creation techniques, e.g., visualization, goal setting, etc.

13. Know and articulate your changing conditions for satisfaction.

14. Neutralize competition while inspiring cooperation.

15. Ability to articulate higher path, especially during stress.

16. Be diplomatic and cordial even when worried, upset and during stress.

17. Facilitate conversations for:

Speculation and possibility

Planning and design

Commitment and action

AVOID:

1. Making assumptions.

2. Sacrifice - it always leads to resentment.

3. Withholding important communication out of fear.

STAGE FOUR - SYNERGY

This is the stage where there is a realization of a power greater than that of each individual. There is also a commitment to a specified focus and use of the power. Extraordinary satisfaction, intimacy, and a deep sense of mutual trust, empowerment and ease characterize this stage. It is a highly creative, high performance relationship. It also possesses a high level of acknowledgment and appreciation. The relationship emanates joy and power in this stage.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:

1. Regenerate creativity.

2. Balance work and play.

3. Be alert to and neutralize complacency.

4. Fine tune and evolve specific talents.

5. Dance and surrender during the times of chaos before new beginnings.

6. Let go of ego and attachments.

7. Be as committed to the larger process you are involved in as you are to your own individual part.

8. Practice letting the relationship "breathe".

9. Anticipate temporary Power Struggle when you uplevel commitment and prepare for it.

AVOID:

1. Taking the relationship and people for granted.

2. Becoming overly intoxicated with the glory of synergy and get out of balance in your life.

3. Expecting synergy to last without nurturing the relationship.

STAGE FIVE - COMPLETION

This is a stage many people fear and avoid dealing with altogether. There are four ways relationships can be completed: drifting apart, expulsion/ejection, conscious completion or death. Sometimes completion is only about changing the form of the relationship, not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS: 1. Accept and flow with change.

2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning from the relationship.

3. Spiritual attunement.

4. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation.

5. Make apologies.

6. Redefine your common path - change form.

7. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the relationship.

8. Know what you need to feel complete.

9. Generate a safe space and a conversation to make sure everything that needs to be said or done to feel complete is communicated in a spirit of love and dignity for all parties concerned.

10. Allow for a healthy expression of fear, anger, grief or any other emotion.

AVOID:

1. Feeling victimized.

2. Taking things too personally.

3. Resisting change.

4. Misperceiving that others are the source of your good or happiness.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright All rights reserved. You may publish this article in its entirety and with the authors resource information intact.

About The Author


Layne and Paul Cutright are relationship coaches and teachers who have been offering secrets and strategies for successful relationships at home and in business since 1976. They are authors of the best selling book, You're Never Upset for the Reason You Think Secrets and Strategies for Resolving Any Upset Quickly and Easily. www.PaulandLayne.com

Far more than just another self-help book, Life Skills: Improve the Quality of Your Life with Metapsychology” by Marian Volkman is an impressive, and thoughtful work with the sincere objective of teaching how to reach one's full potential in practical, realistic, easy-to-follow steps that will literally change one's life. (PRWEB Jun 28, 2006) Trackback URI:Don?t Miss Out on Your Life, or This Book (PR Web)

You walk into a large dimly-lit ballroom at the Waxahachie Civic Center and notice a hard rock music video playing on a large screen in the center of the room.This ain?t your father?s church (Waxahachie Daily Light)

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We all know that communication is key to a healthy relationship. What some men might not realize is the importance of phone calls. How often to call a girlfriend? When to call a girl? How often to return a girl's calls?

The telephone- a miracle of the modern age, allowing communication through vast distances. Although this wonder tool has been one of man's most important assets throughout human history, it has also been the source of some of man's biggest dilemmas and many a headache, particularly pertaining to girls. This dilemma is only compounded by the advent of answering services, caller trace and other suchlike devices.

Knowing when and how often to call is something every guy should know if he wishes to master the art of telecommunication with the fairer sex. After all, this knowledge can really make or break a relationship even before it has actually begun.

Calling for the first time

So you meet the girl of your dreams in a club one night. You somehow build up the courage to talk to her and BAM!, instant connection. Interesting conversation then ensues. She actually laughs at your jokes and, wonder of wonders, she gives out her phone number.

So, mission accomplished, right? Wrong. Sorry son, but this battle has barely just begun. The first call is often the most daunting, and causes men the most agitating problems. Basically screwing this up can mean clipping the wings of a possibly beautiful relationship before it has a chance to take flight.

Timing is everything

Be sure not to jump the gun. It is important to time the first call properly for maximum effect. Calling too soon to ask a girl out can give the impression of being too eager. Around three days is an ample waiting period. "Huh? Who is this again?" Waiting too long can be just as bad. Nothing is worse than being forgotten. It's important not to wait longer than a week to avoid a possibly embarrassing conversation.

So now you've finally got a girlfriend. You've been dating for a while. Telecommunication is still an important part of the relationship.

Here are some things to remember:

First and foremost, when you say you're going to call her, call her. Not calling when she's expecting one can cause her to contemplate your intentions. This may lead the girlfriend to think you're not really into it. She might even start looking elsewhere for some tender loving care.

Avoid calling during work. Once in a while when you have a valid reason is okay, but too much can be distracting to her.

Schedule your call after working hours. Even if you have nothing to do the whole day, she does not need to know that. It's imperative to give the impression of having a busy and eventful life. Of course, it's even better if you actually have one. Also, it's best to call in the middle of the week if you're going to ask her out for the weekend. This will allow plenty of time to prepare for the possible rendezvous.

After leaving a message, all that's left is to wait for a return call. Days later, could it be possible that she's not calling back? No, that's not possible. The message must have gone astray, right? Well, if the message was left to somebody else, there's a relatively good chance that she didn't receive it. So feel free to call back after a day. If it's left to some sort of answering service, chances are she received it and just doesn't want to call back.

If she leaves a message, you might want to wait a day to call back so as not to seem to be at her every beck and call. Exceptions apply when the message goes somewhere along the lines of, "Help, my house is on fire!"

If you find yourself geographically apart for a time, you don't have to necessarily bombard her with phone calls. Just make sure that the calls you make are meaningful. You might even send a personalized gift or card just to remind her of you.

Generally you can't call your girlfriend too often unless of course she's finding reasons to cut the conversation short. This is a sign that she is showing traces of suffocation. Three times a day just to say howdy is a bit much.

As is with the other important things in life, when it comes to calling your girlfriend, it is the quality and not the quantity that matters most. And above all, don't forget to call when you say you will.

About the author
Datehow (http://www.datehow.com) is the Internet's most comprehensive directory for dating tips, advice and articles for men and women. We have hundreds of top dating tips articles that are updated every week.

A love of the road, and a passion for his car (The Canton Repository)I keep cars for a long time. Drive 'em into the ground. Not one specific plot of ground. Parts generally are falling off regionally. Car salesmen must love and hate to see me coming into the showroom....

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We are all unique individuals and as such we each have unique blueprints for everything. For the most part, they are created during our childhood and are a product of our past subconscious conditioning. We have different blueprints for success, happiness, money, love and relationships, work, school and everything inbetween. Although we have different blueprints, changing one toward a more supportive and fulfilling direction in your life will affect the others in the same way.

Have you ever stopped to think what your relationship blueprint might be? If you have not yet experienced anything that even closely resembles what you would consider to be your perfect relationship and attracting the love of your life is a goal for you, it will serve you greatly figure out what it is. This is because your relationship blueprint is the foundation from which you build your relationships.

Our relationship blueprint has more control than does our conscious desire and powerfully influences who we attract and are attracted to. We must first change our blueprint if we would like to create something different than what we have been experiencing.

An important step to take toward that end is to simply ask yourself what your experiences were when you were growing up concerning relationships. Try to remember what you learned from those around you, especially your parents. In addition, you'll want to take a look at the results that you are experiencing in your relationships now.

Your ultimate goal is to make sure that your relationship blueprint is conducive to attracting the love of your life so that you can experience that. You will probably discover that it's not quite there yet. Do your best to identify what the differences are between the relationships you have been experiencing and what kind of relationship you would actually like to create.

You may find it helpful to write down your idea of what a perfect relationship means to you vs. what you have been expereincing. It will remind you of what direction you want to head in and serve to motivate you towards experiencing your most compatible relationship, especially if you remember to look at it often.

By just being aware of what your current relationship blueprint is and how it differs from what you would like it to be will serve you greatly in attracting the love of your life.

Warmest Regards,

Lisa Stuart

About The Author


Lisa Stuart is dedicated to showing you how to attract the love of your life. Discover the secrets to attracting and experiencing a relationship with the love of your life! Sign up for Lisa's Attracting Love Newsletter ($100 Value) just by visiting her website at www.HowToAttractLove.com.

Copyright © 2006 The Love Attraction Expert

lisa@howtoattractlove.com

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Are you thinking about leaving your relationship or have you left your relationship and are looking for closure? In this article, we are talking about how to create and get closure with your past relationships.

A lot of you have been through a lot of ups and downs, and the challenge is about people who are breaking up and are thinking of breaking up or deciding whether they should stay or go is that they are making decisions based on love and attraction, friendship and fun and sometimes the kids, the mortgage, finances or family. All these things create a push pull, an approach avoidance conflict as they say in Psychology.

Basically you have to listen to your heart. What is your highest and best? If you are living your life according to a metaphysical underpinning or paradigm where you are looking for your highest and best soulmate, you ultimately want to have a soulmate that you can have a relationship with, not just a soulmate, because you are already saying "Yeah, this person is my soulmate."

Yeah, they probably are, they are here to teach you what you want and what you don't want. It is a stepping stone, if you just look at the big picture, if you get your ego out of the way and look at what is highest and best for you. Your job is to turn your dreams into reality and with some people you cannot create the relationship of your dreams. You need different things. Yes, they have a lot of what you want, and that is what the problem is, it is not all good or all bad, if it was you wouldn't be reading this article.

The problem is that there is some really good stuff that is reinforcing you and you are on an intermittent reinforcement schedule. Again, another psychological concept, that the good times will make you stay. Generally your life is not good and you are in pain all the time and you are in horrendous power struggles. Maybe you have gone to counselling, and you are trying to work things out, but they are not working out because they are deal breakers, well then you need to move on and you need to get closure.

But the first thing you have to do with closure is understand the big picture. In my own relationship, I was totally unconscious, I didn't understand about being qualified or understanding the other person's relationship needs to be qualified. You know, I was toxic, I was deficient, I didn't understand the relationship game and I had a low level of relationship mastery. I really wasn't qualified and a lot of people really aren't qualified to be in a relationship.

If you look at jobs, they say are you qualified for this job? People say yeah of course or no, this person isn't qualified. But in relationships we don't even think about that concept. You need to have a certain level of communication skills, openness, you can't be shutdown, and you can't have a lot of negative behaviors. You got to have an understanding of the game and you have to understand people, and the relationship process.

You know, you have to have a lot of this relationship mastery, at least the basics to get into the game and stay in the game. I mean anyone can get into the game. If you go into a relationship you have to ask yourself, can you keep them? That's the key; you need to have the relationship intelligence, the relationship mastery at a certain level.

So I had to get rid of a lot of my toxicities and defiencies. I had to understand the game and the different personalities, different values, different lifestyles. That will help you get closure.

I was with a lovely lady Lucie, we had different visions and values, we had different lifestyles, and we had different life values. The love was there and the attraction was there. It was even worst with earlier relationships that I talk about in True Love on Demand, these people where dysfunctional, they were character disordered, they were unavailable, they had some major issues going on and I had some major issues, I had some toxicities and some deficiencies.

You know, I had no idea about the relationship game; I should not have been in relationships at that time. Someone should have pulled me away and trained me for half a year, six months or three months or whatever, to wake me up and smell the coffee, because I was really good in other areas of my life, but I certainly wasn't good in relationships.

The following is the basic descriptions of the communication modes and the needs of each modes.

Visuals communicate by seeing and doing. They like activities and they like gifts. They notice people, places and things with just the slightest glance. They feel and share love by doing things with or for other people. They take things at face value and do not look deeper into things.

Auditory people communicate through talking. They have the natural gift of the gab, are designed to be able to talk for long periods of time. They enjoy talking and listening to other people talk. They feel loved when they are talked to, and like to hear the words I love you.

Digital people communicate through connection and understanding. The find the deeper meaning in everything they think, see and do. Understanding is very important to them. They feel loved when they share connections with others and are understood.

Kinesthetic people communicate through their bodies. The move, feel and express through their bodies. Kinesthetics love to touch, feel, physical activity and hugging. They feel loved when they are touched.

So if you are with someone who is very toxic, or dysfunctional, if they have anger issues, addictions or criminal behaviors, if they are liars or cheaters, then what do you do? So you are thinking, do I stay or do I go? Hey, it becomes pretty obvious after a certain point. Plus even things like the fact that Lucie and I never fought, there was underlying powerstruggles because we have different values, different value Centres, different visions, different lifestyles, plus we had different communication styles.

Lucie was not Auditory or Digital and I was Kinesthetic, Auditory, Digital, Visual so I needed it on all channels, and because of my personality I needed attention and because of our lifestyles or lifestyle value Centres we didn't get much of that, so it just wasn't working for us.

So you have to look at where you are at, and what you want. Your job is to turn your dreams into reality. Your job is to have the Relationship and love of your life. That's you job, that's what your soul wants.

As I said from the beginning if you are living from a Metaphysical paradigm, an effortless paradigm, a paradigm that believes that you can have it all and it is an abundant world and you can transcend the adversarial competitive, scarcity paradigm. These are just belief systems, they are not true. In this world we can have what we want, you have to transcend the adversarial, competitive paradigm, once you do, you can look at them very clearly and once you do, even if you use the attract system, you are not going to get any better if you are hanging on to your past relationships, you need to resolve that, you need to have closure.

About the Author:

Learn my secret strategies to get your True Love ON DEMAND at http://www.TrueLoveOnDemand.com If you desire a healthy and long lasting relationship FREE MP3 trainings also available at http://www.familyandrelationships.com . Also, grab for yourself the book which has changed thousands of lives, including MINE! At http://www.MessageOfAMaster.com

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A man can easily learn how to be a good boyfriend. All it takes is a little bit of practice and determination to do it. Willingness is the key for any man to learn how to be a good boyfriend. Unfortunately not all men are willing to study and do what it takes to be a good boyfriend.

Most men foolishly adopt a "love me or leave me" attitude wherein they are too stubborn to admit their shortcomings. These are usually the type of men that bank on the frailty of most women, the kind of women who would rather die than be left alone without a man.

However, men of this character must be living in the dark ages, as many women today would not tolerate this type of behavior. The modern woman of today is more discerning. Any man who would want to be in a relationship with her would certainly have to brush up on how to be a good boyfriend in order to keep her interested.

Fortunately there are still a lot of men who believe in giving their best in a relationship. These men take the initiative in learning how to be a good boyfriend to their significant other. And in the end reap the rewards of their labor with a loving and satisfying relationship.

Learning How to be a Good Boyfriend

Learning how to be a good boyfriend has a lot of advantages not just for women but also for men. A man that makes an effort to learn how to be a good boyfriend can look forward to a better and stronger relationship with their partner. An appreciative girlfriend will most likely shower her man with more love and affection than before. In addition, there will probably be less nagging that will surely be a welcome respite for any man.

However if a man still experiences the same type of treatment even after learning how to be a good boyfriend then there is something wrong. It would be a good idea to assess the relationship at this point. Perhaps the man is not to blame and the fault lies elsewhere.

Keep in mind that there are some women in the world that cannot be content unless they are nagging or criticizing something. At this point, a man may want to think if the relationship is still worth pursuing or if it would be time to move on and probably find someone who would appreciate them better.

A Guide on How to be a Good Boyfriend

A good boyfriend knows how to keep his girlfriend happy. Satisfying a woman is a comprehensive plan that does not only involve the sexual aspect of a relationship. A good way to do so is to make her feel special by complimenting her on how well she looks.

Women do their best to look pretty for their man and a little flattering remark goes a long way to show her that her efforts are appreciated. It is also a good idea for a man to evaluate his own physical appearance. As a woman takes the time to look good for her man therefore a man should also look good for his woman.

To show respect for her and her family is a trait of a good boyfriend that every man should adopt. A well-mannered man is polite and nice to his girlfriend's family. Women are particularly appreciative of a man that accepts and loves her family. Communication is a vital part of every relationship. Women cherish a man who listens and pays attention to what they have to say.

There are no hard and fast rules on how to be a good boyfriend. And learning how to be a good boyfriend is not easy. The enthusiasm to learn must be present. It is also important to be comfortable and at ease with oneself when undertaking such an education.

Being true to oneself is an important part of the learning process. A man forced into learning how to be a good boyfriend can develop negative emotions that would not be healthy for the individual and for the relationship. If a man were not interested in learning then he would only be fooling himself and his partner.

About the author
Datehow (http://www.datehow.com) is the Internet's most comprehensive directory for dating tips, advice and articles for men and women. We have hundreds of top dating tips articles that are updated every week.

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