Here's a challenge to warring couples around the world: "Stop whingeing and moaning about your bad relationship and either mend it or end it!"

Far too many couples are making themselves miserable by being too demanding, inflexible and selfish. Some people spend more time arguing and complaining about how bad things are with their partners, than working out the differences in their relationships.

Grown adults become childish, resorting to name-calling, finger-pointing and point-scoring.
In some cases, people can be so preoccupied with sweating the small stuff, that they lose sight of the really significant things like love, trust, forgivenesss, fidelity, support and understanding.

Here's a reality check: nobody can recover that second, minute, hour or day that has been eaten up by shouting, screaming, rage and resentment. In many cases - including in my own experience, the causes of the vast majority of arguments are forgotten within a few hours - or even earlier!

So, how do you minimize tiresome conflict, seemingly insurmountable challenges and constant chaos in your relationship?

Well, before you allow a minor disagreement with your partner to escalate into a battle of wills, and lead to a potentially promising partnership being cut short, there are a few, simple techniques that might just save your relationship.
- Stop trying to be right all the time.
- Forget about winning the argument and focus on resolving the dispute.
- Don't make unreasonable demands on your partner, your relationship or yourself [e.g. "You must tell me you love me, otherwise you're not the right person for this relationship!" "If I don't give in to every request my partner makes of me, then I'm a bad partner!" "My relationship has got to be perfect, otherwise it's just no good!"]
- Take responsibility for your actions and reactions in your relationship. Nobody but you can make you "mad" or "miserable".
- Learn how to recognize how YOUR faulty thinking may be affecting how you view the relationship.
Whether it's fear, dependency, laziness or ignorance that may be keeping you in an unfulfilling relationship, it's imperative to get real, take responsibility and fix or quit the love you don't want.

About The Author

Seltzer Cole is the author of "I Love You, I Love You, I Hate You So Much! - How to mend or end a bad relationship. He runs a counselling service at www.relationshiprescue.co.uk. Seltzer has worked as a writer, journalist, presenter, producer, editor and publisher in television, radio, print and the internet. His programmes, research, articles and editorial have covered everything from effective communication & careers to finance & relationships.
Relationships911@aol.com